The Drink of the Viking Warlords Makes a Great Summer Cocktail

The Drink of the Viking Warlords Makes a Great Summer Cocktail

Long before humans had figured out beer, we learned that you can make a damn tasty crunk-juice by stewing rainwater in a beehive. Mead was the drink of ancient Greek philosophers, Asian hunter-gatherers, and Celtic berserkers. It’s also the secret behind some of the best summer cocktails.

It’s Friday afternoon, you’ve made it through the long week, and it’s time for Happy Hour, Gizmodo’s weekly booze, etc. column. A cocktail shaker full of innovation, science, and alcohol. Grab your torches, pitchforks, and chalices, we’re gonna get medieval.

Contrary to popular belief, mead isn’t just for Viking warlords and medieval reenactment societies. It also doesn’t have to be sweet. Meads are as complex and varied as wines, and in America, they’re making a big comeback. Today, mead enthusiasts around the country are cooking up all sorts of news infusions and cocktails, putting a modern twist on the libation of the ancients.

Growing up in the DC metro area, the first place I ever encountered mead was (naturally) at the Maryland Ren Fest. The honey-colored drink came in overpriced novelty bottles, and it was abominably sweet. Nevertheless, I have many a fond high school memory of sipping shitty mead on the sly while chomping a roasted turkey leg and watching nerds joust on a hot summer day.

The Drink of the Viking Warlords Makes a Great Summer Cocktail

I rediscovered mead a few years back, while spending a week with family in central New Hampshire. One rainy afternoon, bored and painfully surfing the web on dial-up connection, my brother and I stumbled upon the Sap House Meadery, an internationally acclaimed destination located in a town we’d never heard of some 30 miles away. We immediately decided to go, and spent an unexpectedly drunk fun afternoon sampling everything from dry, blueberry hops honey wine to sugar maple dessert mead. I walked away with a crate full of the stuff, and spent the rest of the summer happily swilling glasses of Beowulf’s booze over ice.

I recently got in touch with the Sap House Meadery’s owner, Ash Fishbein, to get some professional advice on how I could be spicing up my mead drinking experience. He shared a couple of his favorite cocktails — naturally, featuring his signature meads. Of course, you can sub for any mead of your liking! I’ve also included a few other amazing cocktails, courtesy of mead experts around the country. Mead is listed at the top of each recipe.

The Perfect Storm

2 parts Sap House Meadery’s Sugar Maple Mead

1 Part Ginger Beer (Recommend: Maine Root Ginger Brew)

Pour ingredients over ice and enjoy!

Via Sap House Meadery, Ossipee, NH

Vanilla Ginger Mashup

3 oz. Sap House Meadery’s Vanilla Bean Mead

2 oz. vanilla-ginger simple syrup (follow recipe below):

1 cup sugar 8 ounces water 1/4 cup fresh ginger, chopped 2 vanilla beans, split and scraped

club soda


  1. Combine all ingredients into a sauce pan and bring to a boil for one minute.
  2. Remove from the heat and let steep for 20 minutes.
  3. Strain out vanilla bean pods and ginger and cool syrups.

Via Sap House Meadery, Ossipee, NH

Bluebonic Tonic

4 oz Sap House Meadery’s Hopped Blueberry Maple Mead

2 oz Tonic Water

1 oz Simple Syrup

Citrus Bitters

Pour all ingredients over ice, add citrus bitters if you like, and stir!

Via Sap House Meadery, Ossipee, NH


3 parts B.Nektar Meadery’s NecroMangoCon (A fruity mango and black pepper mead)

1 part freshly squeezed Orange Juice

garnish with an orange twist

Via B. Nektar Meadery, Ferndale, MI

The Real Detroit

4 parts B. Nektar Wildberry Pyment (A fruity mead made with strawberries and blueberries)

1 part Valentine vodka

1 part triple sec

1 part Faygo Rock ‘N Rye (Detroit’s signature vanilla cream cola)

squeeze of lime and orange

Add everything but the Rock N Rye to a cocktail shaker with lots of ice. Shake like Zeus.

Pour Faygo into a martini or rocks glass, top with what’s in the shaker. Garnish with orange and lime

Via B. Nektar Meadery, Ferndale, MI

Redstone Spritzer

1.5 oz Redstone Black Raspberry or Boysenberry Nectar

1.5 oz Redstone Traditional Mountain Honey Wine

Splash of soda water or 7 up or Sprite

Serve over ice in a rocks glass

Via Redstone Meadery, Boulder, CO

The Lost Sunrise

Shaker of Redstone Black Raspberry or Boysenberry Nectar

1 oz tequila

½ oz Grand Marnier or Cointreau

Splash of orange juice

Serve over ice in rocks glass with lime

Via Redstone Meadery, Boulder, CO

Downeast Kir

2 oz. Moonlight Meadery Fling (A slightly tart mead infused with rhubarb and black currants)

6 oz. Chardonnay

Pour mead into wine glass, then gently add white wine. Vary the Fling / Chardonnay ratio to taste. This recipe works great with many Moonlight meads, and choose your favorite white wine variety.

Via Moonlight Meadery, Londonderry, NH

The Mojo Mojito

4 oz. Moonlight Meadery Mojo

2 oz White Rum

sprig of mint

Add ice to a 8oz collins glass, add Moonlight Meadery Mojo and Rum to glass, add sprig of Mint.

Via Moonlight Meadery, Londonderry, NH

Mead and Beer

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the awesome flavor explosion that happens when mead and beer are mixed. You can jazz up any boring ol’ summer wheat by mixing it with mead in a 2:1 ratio (dry, fruity meads work best here in my experience). On the other hand, adding a sweet, dessert mead (vanilla-infused, if you can find it) to a coffeehouse porter cures the winter blues better than a cup of hot chocolate with brandy.

Shutup and Take My Money!

There are roughly 165 meaderies currently in operation in the United States, according to USA Today. So browse the interwebs to see if there’s one near you. Some of them, Sap House Meadery included, even allow you to order online, but you should really make it out for a tasting if you can. Happy drinking!

Contact the author at or follow her on Twitter.

Top image via Wikimedia


Men Are Just Happier People…

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

  • Your last name stays put.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack…
  • You can be President.
  • You can never be pregnant.
  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
  • You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • The world is your urinal.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  • You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • Same work, more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
  • People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
  • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • One mood all the time.
  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Disadvantages Of Being A Man

1. You work your entire life making money just to get a wife.

2. You have to act tough no matter your fears.

3. After buying a ring, you’ll need a woman to confirm whether you get married or not.

4. You spend millions to make your wedding a success, and your wife takes the glory.

5. You work extra hours after marriage.

6. You give money for house keeping and you get to eat only dinner.

7. You work hard to make properties just to make a will for your wife and children.

8. You spend your hard earned money to takeyour children to school and wen they grow up they celebrate mothers’ day….!


15 Office Pranks For Geeks With Gusto

In every office, there’s the guy who has no sense of humor and hates the idea of having fun. If you’re that guy, you should probably stop reading this now.

Still with us? Good. You see, we at eSarcasm are firm believers in the theory that seriousness is overrated. Sure, there’s a time to be focused and professional. But there’s also a time to be silly and immature — yes, even when you have an impressive 10-word title that no one but you understands. (Sorry, Senior Supervisor of Internal Quality Control and Other Specific Duties. We’re sure your job is very important.)

So that’s where these geek-friendly office pranks come in. With this list, you’ll have more than enough pranks to keep your co-workers hopping, be it April Fools’ Day or any other day. As far as we’re concerned, after all, practical joking is a year-round affair.

First, though, a few words of warning: Some of these office pranks will require you to edit advanced settings within your operating system’s configuration. If you aren’t familiar with those settings and make a mistake, you could seriously screw stuff up. And, equally important, if you cross the line between good clean fun and mean-spirited antics, you could make someone mad. Like, really, really mad.

To sum up: Proceed at your own risk and only if you feel fully comfortable with the steps involved. Prank often, but prank wisely. And for the love of God, don’t tell anyone we’re the assholes who put you up to this.


Office Prank #1: The Sound of Amusement

The Prank:

Let’s start things off with a bang — or, to be more accurate, a baa. For our first prank, you’ll catch your cubicle neighbor off-guard by toying with his system sound files. Changing the sounds altogether is too obvious; instead, edit the existing sound files to add unexpected noises at the end.

The Process:

Using a simple WAV editor like Audacity, open a commonly used system sound file such as the e-mail notification alert (typically found in the “Media” folder within the “Windows” directory). First, add 15 to 30 seconds of silence to the end of the file. Then, after the silence, tack on the sound of a sheep baaing, a fly buzzing, or whatever else tickles your funny bone. (You can find plenty of free sound effects on sites such as and

Drop the finished file into your co-worker’s “Media” folder, using the same filename as the original. Make sure to back up the old file first so you can restore it later.

The Final Product:

The next time your co-worker gets an incoming e-mail, your strange sound will follow — and, thanks to the built-in silence, it’ll be distanced enough from the normal sound that he won’t know what hit him. How baaaad-ass is that?

Office Prank #2: Temporary Insanity

The Prank:

Imagine if tiny sticky notes were constantly flying onto your desk and filling it with clutter. Now imagine the same effect happening on your computer’s desktop. It’d drive you crazy — which makes it the perfect premise for our second prank.

The Process:

Sneak into your work buddy’s system settings and edit the location where temporary files are stored. Enter the Windows System Properties menu (right-click on “My Computer,” then select “Properties” — or, in Windows 7, right click “Computer” and then select “Advanced System Settings”). Select the “Advanced” tab, then click the “Environment Variables” box. Make sure the line that says “TEMP” is highlighted, and click “Edit.” Change the “Variable Value” to the desktop path (e.g. C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Desktop, for Windows XP).

Note: You probably want to make a careful note of the original path (commonly %USERPROFILE%\Local Settings\Temp) so you can change it back later.

The Final Product:

Once you save out of that menu, various temporary system files — things with weird names like ~DF57F4.tmp — will start littering your pal’s desktop in no time. He’ll go bonkers trying to figure out what’s going on.

Office Prank #3: Restart Remap

The Prank:

Some might say anyone opening Internet Explorer deserves to have his PC shut down (or worse). If you’re one of those people, why not make your dream come true on your co-worker’s computer? The majority of offices are still forcing everyone to use IE, so work’s the perfect place to pull off the prank.

The Process:

This one couldn’t be easier. Simply right-click the Internet Explorer icon on your victim’s desktop. Edit the properties and change the target to “%windir%\system32\shutdown.exe -r -t 00″ — then sit back and watch.

The Final Product

The next time your mark makes his way to Microsoft’s browser, his system will restart. In the name of humanity, though, you probably shouldn’t let this happen more than once or twice before fessing up and fixing the link.

Office Prank #4: Say What?

The Prank:

Create some serious confusion by causing your office friends’ Google pages to show up in gibberish. Feewing wucky?

The Process:

All you’ve gotta do is click over to the Google Preferences page and check a new native tongue on the “Interface Language” option. You can pick from dozens of real dialects or go with one of the more entertaining options such as “Bork bork bork!” — the peculiar language of the Muppets’ Swedish Chef — or “Elmer Fudd,” the wucky wanguage we were tawking about eawier. There’s also “Hacker,” sure to confuse any n00b not keen on l33tsp33k.

The Final Product:

uR phr13Ndz r 901N’ 70 83 r3allY PHr3ak1N’ K0nFU53D.

Office Prank #5: The Phantom of the Office

The Prank:

If you don’t mind dropping a few bucks, you can grab some gadgets that’ll take your intraoffice pranking to completely new levels. We’re talking random beeping, buzzing, and keystroke magic — things that, in our incredibly childish opinions, are well worth 10 bucks.

The Process:

We can personally recommend ThinkGeek’s Annoy-a-tron, currently $4.99; Annoy-a-tron 2.0, $12.99; and Phantom Keystroker v2, $12.99. Any of those will provide you with hours of joking joy.

The Final Product:

The Annoy-a-tron is a tiny and almost unnoticeable magnetized chip that makes obnoxious beeping noises at random intervals. You set the frequency of the beep (higher pitch = higher annoyance potential), then hide it anywhere you want — under someone’s desk, on the back of a computer, you name it. The Annoy-a-tron 2.0 adds an optional IM doorbell noise or super-high-pitched tone that only teens can hear.

The Phantom Keystroker puts a different twist on gadget-induced insanity: The device, which looks like a USB thumb drive, sends random commands when plugged into a computer. You can set it to make mouse movements, type random letters, or even just toggle the caps-lock from time to time.

These gizmos are guaranteed to drive your co-workers [beeping] batty.

Office Prank #6: Mouse Trap

The Prank:

No cash in your pranking budget? No problem. Put a more organic edge on the phantom concept by messing with your cubicle mate’s mouse the old-fashioned way.

The Process:

Plug an extra mouse into an open USB slot on the back of your buddy’s PC. If you have a wireless USB mouse, that’s even better. When your colleague sits down, casually move your secret controller around from time to time. Remember, subtlety’s the key.

The Final Product:

The jumping mouse pointer, if performed well, will be just enough to make your victim wonder if he’s seeing things — or if his computer has developed a mind of its own.

Office Prank #7: More Mousing Around

The Prank:

While the mouse is on your mind, here are two other easy ways to make someone squeak with confusion. Each involves only a couple of quick clicks on your behalf, but the end results will keep you chuckling for hours.

The Process:

Head over to the Windows Control Panel and open up the “Mouse” settings. For the first gag, click the option to switch primary and secondary mouse settings. For the second, shift over to the “Pointers” tab and change the “Normal Select” mouse icon from the standard pointer to the hourglass.

The Final Product:

With the first method, your fellow office dweller will be lost as to why his mouse button functionality is suddenly reversed. With the second, it’ll feel like an eternity as he tries to figure out why his system appears to be busy all the time. In both cases, your inevitable snickering will eventually give it away.

Office Prank #8: Phone Fun

The Prank:

All right, gang, time to disable your immaturity filters and turn the dial back to junior high for a moment. This next set of hijinks brings the fun back to the phone with a high-tech twist to old-school pranking.

The Process:

Summon up your inner 14-year-old and surf over to The best options are under the “Conversators” tab. There, you can send realistic-sounding computer calls to your cubicle mates for free — up to three a day from any given IP address. Simply select the call of your choice, type in your pal’s phone number, and within seconds, his phone will be a-ringin’.

The Final Product:

The calls themselves vary based on which option you select, but each has a preprogrammed speech with built-in pauses to allow the recipient to respond. The “Cable Company” call, for example, uses an annoying robotic voice to ask increasingly personal questions under the guise of your local cable provider. The “Escort” call comes from a woman convinced you signed up for her services. And the “Gay Telemarketer” call — well, we’ll let you figure out that one for yourself.

Office Prank #9: Bluetooth Blues

The Prank:

Thank Jim Halpert from “The Office” for this next instant classic. With a couple quick moves, you’ll assume control of your colleague’s cell phone — and she’ll have no idea what’s going on.

The Process:

Bring a Bluetooth earpiece with you to work. When you spot an unattended cell phone, sneak over and pair your earpiece to the phone, making sure the device’s Bluetooth functionality is activated.

The Final Product:

The next time your friend’s phone rings, intercept the call and start chatting away, hands-free-style. Confusion and hilarity will ensue.

Office Prank #10: Disappearing Desktop

The Prank:

An oldie but a goodie, the Disappearing Desktop still packs plenty of humor-inducing punch. And, lucky for us, it doesn’t take much to turn someone’s desktop into a nonfunctional image of itself.

The Process:

Start by minimizing all the windows and hitting the Print Screen key to create a snapshot of the desktop. Paste the captured image into any graphic editing program, save the file, and set it as the desktop background. Then, hide all of the actual icons — either move them into a folder, or just right-click anywhere on the desktop and unselect “Show Desktop Icons” within the “Arrange Icons By” or “View” menu — and voila: Your work is done.

The Final Product:

With your new spitting image of the desktop in place and the real icons nowhere to be found, the computer’s user will click endlessly on the screen trying to get programs to open. Of course, all the icons will actually just be part of the background image, so nothing will happen. Except, that is, for him screaming profanities until you mosey over and kindly inform him his sorry ass has been punked.

Office Prank #11: The Ol’ Switcheroo

The Prank:

How perplexed would you be if every time you clicked on Excel, Powerpoint opened instead? With 30 seconds of your time, you can find out — via someone else, of course.

The Process:

Open up the folder where Microsoft Office is located. Then, swap out the names of the EXE files for the programs you want to switch (using the “Rename” command on the right-click menu). Once the actual Excel program is named POWERPNT.EXE and the actual Powerpoint program is named EXCEL.EXE, it’s time to sit back and watch.

The Final Product:

Since the desktop shortcuts will still appear to be accurate — they’re opening the right filenames, after all — even the most advanced computer user will be baffled by this one. Just don’t let him suffer for too long before coming clean.

Office Prank #12: Keyboard Confusion

The Prank:

The vast majority of us may be familiar with the QWERTY-style keyboard setup, but it isn’t the only configuration out there. A guy named August Dvorak created an alternate keyboard layout that, while not widely used, is still available within Windows’ settings.

The Process:

Head over to the Control Panel, find “Regional and Language Options,” then go into the “Languages” or “Keyboards and Languages” tab. Click “Details,” then “Add” — or in Windows 7, click “Change Keyboards,” then “Add” — and you’ll find the option to change the default input language.

The Final Product:

N.y-o hgoy oaf yflcbi ,rb-y mat. Mgjd ann ru a (Non-Dvorak translation: Let’s just say typing won’t make sense all of a sudden.)

Hint: For a less extreme alternative, try the Romanian language setting. It’ll change only a handful of keys from the traditional U.S. QWERTY layout.

Office Prank #13: Pranking Rules

The Prank:

As a general rule, Outlook rules make for fantastic practical joking. You can cause all sorts of odd and amusing things to happen based on your own sets of specific conditions.

The Process:

While on an unsuspecting friend’s PC, open the “Rules and Alerts” setup under the Outlook “Tools” menu. Create a new rule and get creative — the results are up to you.

The Final Product:

Try starting with strange behaviors set to occur every time an e-mail from you comes in. Maybe a cheerful tune automatically starts playing or a hard copy of the message is instantly printed. Hell, you could even have the e-mail forward itself back to your friend a second time for extra emphasis. The options are all there.

Office Prank #14: The Modern-Day Poltergeist

The Prank:

A haunted spirit will seemingly take over your victim’s computer, spooking him in all sorts of strange ways. This one may be best suited for a close friend or significant other outside of the office, as the nature of the installation could violate a corporate IT policy and get your ass canned faster than fish at a tuna factory.

The Process:

Install the VNC-like Office Poltergeist utility, available as a Firefox extension or a standalone Windows program. Look in the setup menus to select your options, and that’s it — you’re all set.

The Final Product:

The Poltergeist will let you play annoying sounds, shake windows around, and even send pop-up messages on someone else’s system. Another option allows you to replace every instance of a word on the Web with a different word of your choosing — “Apple” could become “pomegranate,” for example, or “Internet” could become “intercourse.”

Childish? Sure. But funny? You’d better believe it, bucko.

Office Prank #15: Hotkey Hell

The Prank:

With the help of a handy little program called AutoHotKey, you can wreak all sorts of havoc on your office mates’ mental health. The program — which, by the way, is actually quite useful for legitimate purposes, too — lets you assign custom-programmed macros to any key combinations you choose.

The Process:

Install the AutoHotKey program on your own system and take a few minutes to learn its scripting configuration. (It’s not terribly difficult — we promise. There are detailed documentation files and even sample scripts you can use to get started.) Decide what action you want mapped to what hotkey, and build your script. Then, use the program’s conversion tool to save the script as an EXE file. Throw it onto your pal’s computer, double-click it, and you’re good to go.

The Final Product:

AutoHotKey is one powerful program, so the possibilities here are practically endless. You could create a script that’ll automatically replace a certain string of text with something else, regardless of what program the person is in. Or you could remap a common hotkey like CTRL-P to do anything you want, like open Outlook and send a mass e-mail praising your suave appearance.

Hey, a compliment’s a compliment — even if you have to write it yourself.

Note: An alternate version of this story appeared at in 2009. We assume they’re still getting angry emails.